Friday, January 12, 2007

Somewhere over the rainbow

I just saw an episode of Scrubs (awesome, awesome show) which involved Wizard of Oz metaphors (they tend to carry these metaphors a little too far sometimes, but it's still an awesome show) and JD, the main character, was just trying to get home. Of course they ended with the classic "Somewhere over the rainbow/There's a place called home" or something like that. It reminds me of my conflicted attitudes about my home. This is definitely one of those sessions which I never, ever, ever what my parents to read, but a lot of times, even among my family, even among my close family, I still feel like an outsider, like I don't belong, like I'm not home. I mean, I take this as my shelter, my place to stay, and my little realm, but it's not where I want to come back to after all the storms of my life. Where do I want to go back to? I have no idea.

I feel restless nowadays, I want to go somewhere get out of New Jersey, travel around the world. I'd like to think if I travelled long enough I could find a place called home, and maybe I could. But maybe what I'd really need is a job I could really enjoy, or a woman I could really love, or a life that I could be satisfied with keeping steady and without feeling a need to radically change it, and then wherever that was, that could be home. But I don't have that now, at least not really. There are moments when I feel at home, but overall, no. It is still somewhere over the rainbow, I'd like to think it's out there, somewhere on this green Earth. But if not, at least I can trust that I have my true home up in heaven, and if nothing else can be found, that will still be enough.

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