Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Doom, the Doomed, and the Doomiest

So this starter isn't a song reference, even though in my last session promised more song reference starters (by starters I mean titles, and by titles I mean titles). But this phrase came to me and so I'll use it. What does it mean? I'm not sure. Those who dance in darkness...

If anyone ever reads the story that line's from that'll be great, but as it is I've submitted nothing to any publication for a while. The last thing I submitted was a packet of poems last January, and that was the first thing I submitted since I got to college. Overall, it's a pretty poor record. What's keeping me back? Lack of will to submit? Of course. But also lack of will to work on my stories. Even when I write I haven't been putting in the editting and refining muscle necessary to get my writing going. My hope? That I can actually consistantly write and edit pieces and then submit them as the semester goes on, anything less (unless I get a girlfriend) and this semester will be declared a failure.

That being said, I did not do any writing now or today even and I'm not planning to as the evening minutes pass away. Why? Well, like many things (but unlike other things) it's complex. I always felt that the mind had many interconnected but distinct parts, sometimes working together, sometimes working against each other. The state of my life is closely tied to the state of my mind which is tied to whether these parts are moving in a good direction. Right now they are moving in different directions, some good, some bad. I did call professors, get things arranged, so yes that is working out alright. My will to finish this application (even if it is not something I want the fact that I am seeing it through is important) is strong enough to overcome my anxieties (although partially this is because other people are looking over my shoulder on this one, which is an aid to my will to get it done but still a source of resentment). However my will to stay healthy and to stay on task on other projects is iffy. Yet my hopes are still going strong, and I still have hope tommorow will be better. Probably once this application is out of the way I can let other projects take a more prominent place. Maybe later I can get things together.

That is a dangerous statement there. Maybe later I can get things together. Yet I did accomplish somethings today and I am still settling in. So maybe later is perhaps justified. But you need to watch out. Sometimes later can kill you. Sometimes later is another word for doom. That's enough for this session.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks.

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