As the emoticon (I hate using it, but it seems like something that can brighten up my blog a little so it's there) might indicate, my mood has moved in a rather negative direction. I dunno why exactly. There were things I meant to do today that I didn't do but that was as much a consequence of my bad mood (since a bad mood makes me apathetic and lazy) as they were a cause. It could be the result of the biological sway of my manic-depressive disorder, or it could be the problems of my life (not horrible problems, but we all have our difficulties) just happened to be a little closer to the edge of my mind today more than other days.
So discontent I seek distraction. When I'm in a mood like this I tend to avoid reading, since, well, I lose the patience to actually get into a book and I want to be relieved of my connection to reality as soon as possible. So I have gone on the internet and my resulting activity has been highly disappointing. I went to several of the normal sites I visit (though this not being the computer I usually use I could not visit all of those sites for various reasons), but the number of sites seems pitifully low. I blame Wikipedia for part of this problem. Whenever curious my searches tend to start and/or end with Wikipedia, whereas before this online encyclopedia became popular I would wander the web for some time, finding odd little sites in different nooks and crannies which intrigued me. My old bookmarks were lost for some reason about a year ago and with my web searches quick and direct I have come up with few new interesting sites. I suppose if I give this some actual effort, I can find new and interesting sites, but in the bad mood I'm in, I'm more inclined to lament the situation and blame wikipedia.
Thus undistracted I find myself fixated on my bad mood, an obsession which has passed from introspection to self-pity about a half-hour ago. Still, I retain enough soundness of mind to note certain things about this bad mood. First of all, I really need to get over it so that I can tackle my personal statement for my grad school application. Secondly, I should overcome my uncomfortableness with my brother's computer and use it to watch tv more often. Thirdly, my current mental situation shows a sign of improvement in the fact that I am writing now since often (or at least since I've started college and stopped writing as much poetry) my drive for writing is diminished to the point of obscurity by bad moods. This gives me hope for the future, despite my bad mood and the impending sense of doom I get from not working on my personal statement. Hope is a good note to sign off on, so I think I'll do that. I bid you adieu and wish you luck on your life's journeys. (How's that for an ender? I feel it's a little lacking, but it feels more me-ish in flavor)
6 months ago