Wednesday, January 16, 2008

California, show your teeth

So I'm leaving California, and that makes me think about that line in Danni California that goes: California rest in peace. But I already used California rest in peace as the title of a different session about a previous trip to California, so I just shot up another line from Danni California.

Of course there are a number of other California-related songs I could have quoted from, after all California is a bit of a powerful place in the imagination.

My brother says that California has probably the highest standard of living in the nation, and he's probably right. In sheer income, NJ I think is harder, but in terms of services, environment, and other pleasant factors, California I do think has a higher standard of living. Still NJ rocks harder, in the depths of its heart, than California ever could, that's just the way it is. I'm not denying that.

But it may come soon a time for me to leave good old New Jersey. The jobs there aren't as good, the cold there is quite cold, and the traveling there only takes me so far. Perhaps the time will come, and not too long now, when I will depart from NJ grounds. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps...

But for now I'm leaving for NJ again.

There's a bit of nervousness to me now, a bit of fear, a bit of crazy. I said I'm not going to obsess about crappy moods in my life (most recently here), and I stand by that, but I believe in introspection including in the bad times, and so let me touch on my moods, and I will try not to obsess into excess.

So as I said, there's a bit of fear to me and a bit of crazy. Part of that could just be the fact that I'm regretting things I didn't get a chance to do, or that I spend too much money, or whateever, when I look at things more objectively, I can say, sure I spend a good deal of money, but overall through the year I don't spend that much and this was a special moment, and in terms of amount of use I got out of this trip, well it was: extreme brother visiting, extreme funness, extreme meeting peopleness, extreme city-exploring, extreme awesome man, extreme awesome...

So that's what the trip was like. And so I rocked it pretty hard.

So that's not really the root of things as things go. My current off-good mood is I think more the fact of what's about to come after my return from California than what came before it.

Now... and now...

Now I need to deal with life and its lifeness. With you know working sort of life. I need to do classes, find a job, do P-review work on stories, work on comics and other projects and insane many, many things. I basically need to go on with life as I did before, except this time do things better since before I messed things up. Which is a tall order, since I was trying damn hard in all my time before break, but now I need to do better than even damn hard and...

But that's all a little bit of mistakes I say. My life isn't that hard if I actually relax a little bit. And I've learned some skills and lessons from my mistakes and circumstances in my life are actually better than they were before (to some degree) and...

And I haven't done that bad in the past with my life and even if I mess up it probably won't be that bad and even if it is I can still go on, living as best as I can, investing through striving a beauty in my life and...

And if I trust in God, I will be okay. Least that's how I believe it. And if you want things a bit more secular for you, let me point out that I try to do good with my life, and I think that's what makes a life good, and so if I keep on trying, even with the mess ups, I think in the end I'll still have a good life when all is accounted for. Of course, who does the accounting? (I have an answer, but mine should be apparent by now)

And so we push onwards...

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more


(Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son)

Oh yeah!!!!

So that's what I'm saying about that. So anywho, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

No comments: