Thursday, October 25, 2007

Have Mojo, Will Travel

So let's raise a toast to women: The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

So a girl for, well, let's say I've had a crush on (I really hate the word crush, it is far too immature for feelings that can be a serious matter, and yet the feelings aren't strong enough to be declared love), well, she has a boyfriend. I thought that might be the case, but she had been out of the country for so long, well, the matter is thus. And so now I must bring this to an end, somewhat.

She's still my friend and a good friend at that. To be honest I wanted to spend more time with her because I thought there was a potential for a relationship. But I also like to spend time for her because it's just fun to spend time with her. I've been worrying about telling her how I feel about her because it might hurt our friendship. That was the case in my first heartbreak (who ironically (no actually this is in no way ironic, just a conwinkidink) lives near the girl I currently have a crush on (ie the girl who's the main topic of this post)). And although it might be a little uncomfortable at times now (at least I haven't seen her and her boyfriend together this semester, feelings usually only get really uncomfortable when you see PDA's (public displays of affection)), at least she doesn't really know how I feel about her. This means she won't be really uncomfortable around me, nor will I have to explain myself, and it gives me much more control over our relationship (I'm using that in the general sense of the word).

I'd hate to be the kind of guy who gets close to a girl just because he has a crush on her and then once she lets him down he forgets that she existed. That would be a truly assish thing to do. A good friendship is a terrible thing to waste. And so I do not intend to waste this friendship, but still, it all feels a bit weird. I'm actually glad to some degree, because feelings like those are a bit of a burden and it's probably easier to try to craft a relationship fresh instead of tweaking a friendship into a romance. But still, I had liked the idea of us getting together, and you can't dismiss feelings by flicking your fingers.

But I'm not going to try to steal another man's girlfriend, it's disrespectful to the other man, but also to the girl, herself. It has an essence of, you're all wrong about your life choices, to it, but moreover it's painfully disruptive to all involved. And she seems to have real feelings for her boyfriend (she has met his parents, so this is something significant), so 99% chance I lose against him, and then I'm miserable and our friendship is hurt. 1% chance I win against him, he's crushed, she's with me but torn, and it's an ugly situation. Plus the whole sinful nature of the business. I mean, a dating romance (the terminology of dating is really lackluster, I think I might have to invent some words) isn't a marriage, so this isn't an adultery class sin by any means, but it's certainly a jerk class sin and a sin against God as well. Even romantic relationships not sealed by marriage have a holiness to them that shouldn't be lightly trifled with.

So what to do with the feeling eh? Again, I'm almost relieved, but I feel in the pit of my soul a feeling that probably soon will blossom into sorrow. It'll suck, but I'll put it out of my mind. Whenever I think of her, some romantic thoughts might be hovering in the background, but I'll put those out of my mind too. I'll keep doing this until the feelings fade. I doubt they'll truly erase themselves until I actually find another girl, but they should become manageable. I actually had to do this same process for her freshmen year when I started getting feelings for her. Then I found out she had a boyfriend, and besides she left the country. But I was so sure she had broken up with her boyfriend in that long interval abroad, but I guess that wasn't the case.

I shouldn't say unfortunately that wasn't the case, because I guess I'm happy for her. I complain a lot about how lonely I am and how I wish I had a romantic partner, she found one, so good for her. As for me I'll move on.

After all, you can always say this about me: Have Mojo, Will Travel.

So, why don't we lift a glass to women, those impossibly enchanting creatures?

Why not lift a glass to all the girls I've ever loved and all those I've had crushes on?

Why not lift a glass to you, girl whom I had a crush on which now must be dismissed and tossed to the wind?

Actually, I'm drinking out a cup, not a glass, but here's to you.

So anyways, take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

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