Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A Long Day's Night

So today I'm probably going to get little to no sleep. However, I'm feeling decently awake enough so that I think I can make it through most of the night. Because, well, chances are I'm going to have to make it through most of the night. A 10-12 page paper analyzing 3 films doesn't write itself (unless...).

So this is the last piece of the first part of my finals' period. The first part is the final papers part, while I prefer final papers do to my creative bent, also due to the fact that I think they're a better measure of knowledge and I usually do well on them, it is usually this period that is the more stressful part. The reason for that is that studying for an exam you feel some pressure, but not an urgent, I need to finish pressure, since you're just going over material that you know chances are you can never master completely, but which you are getting better at with every run over. But there is no I need to do this, this and this, with studying, and there is usually no creative, I need to figure out how to do this, pressure with studying (unless you have no clue about a part of the subject matter and you don't have time to ask anybody about it (tip to other students and prospective college/high school students, when you're having trouble with material ask people about it, don't let pride, fear or laziness get in the way, it is infinitely helpful academic-wise to ask people questions about what you're having trouble on, and it also helps to build relationships (I wish I had asked more questions of people this and every other semester, well, something to work on for next semester)).

But with the first part of the finals' period, the final projects section, you've got a long period of pressure building to the deadline. An exam is in the end only a few hours of intense work, final projects can give days of mind-numbing pressure, and not just of the exhaustive I have lots of work kind, but also of the mind crushing creative pressure kind. And of course all of this brings up physical illness, mental illness, and there are other matters which weigh on you.

Basically it ends up an endurance test, which every semester I pass with mixed results. Usually I'm able to do well with all the projects but every now and then one of the projects suffers greatly. This semester I think all of the projects have mixed success, maybe getting a B-A range. But I still got one left and so I still got more truckin' to do.

And so what does it end up with?

Well, I'm still in that endurance test, struggling to avoid collapse until I can finish my projects and get a momentary release (of course then I have the second part of my finals, which is to say the actual final tests, and that should be intensely difficult but not nearly as stressful especially since there are only 2 tests). Right now, I've been undermining my health with junk food, tons of soda, no sleep, I've been undermining my hygine with few showers and reusing clothes, I've been neglecting projects, neglecting social contacts, neglecting this webpost. I've been on and off insane, which has horribly damaged my efforts (several days I've found myself unable to work despite a desperate need to). Besides all that I'm adjusting to new meds and seesawing back and forth between focusedness and mindless drifting.

And yet this is life, or at least a part of it. On the other hand, it's not all of it. I'm not in that bad shape mentally or physically that I can't take it. Or say I am, well, with God's help I'll persevere.

And that's what these tough times are all about, persevering, breaking through to the other side. Just make sure there's an other side to beak through to.

Anyways, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

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