Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Paranoia, never what you want it to be

I do believe I'm paranoid. Well, maybe paranoid is the wrong word, actually it almost certainly is the wrong word, but in my head it's been associated with my feelings for so long that I can't really think of describing these certain feelings in any other way really. Well these feelings are basically I imagine myself having the worst attributes I can think of, everything I'm afraid of in people I imagine myself having. Moreover, I imagine other people see these things in me. I'm always questioning what other people think of me when I'm talking to them, and I'm always tempted to interpret their actions as comfirmation of these feelings. Take for example a recent IM chat I had. Every time there was a delay in the person's reply I suspected in was because of their secretly hating me and becoming frustrated and deciding just to ignore me, and every reply I got even when prompt I suspected as just being an excuse to try to get rid of me. So I've got those feelings.

And yet, I can deal with them. Over time I've come to realize more and more that in the end I am the master of my mind. Even if I have these feelings and even if they are frustratingly annoying, I can ignore them and press on with my life. I just got to keep on truckin' and so that is what I intend to do.

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