By the way (couldn't resist putting a link to the music video for that one") Can't Stop is a pretty awesome song (and here's the music video for Can't Stop). As a general rule: RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now to the meat of the matter. If you've been attentive dear readers you might have noticed that my posting of late has been pretty crappy. Well, that's largely because I've been feeling pretty crappy. Yesterday, in particular was a very bad day. But by the end of the day I was able to revive with a little help from a friend in a high place. (I'm talking about God if you didn't get that (here's the verse from the Bible about Jesus calling us friends, not slaves)). However, the effect of that matter has been a couple fold.
First of all, it has reminded me that I am not well, and that I need to remember to utilize all my resources for help (if anyone, particularly any Christian Scientists in the crowd, find a contradiction between me having God help me deal with my health problems, but also relying on medicine and therapy, well, I'd like to just say, God creates these means for helping His children, if we are good kids, we'll use that help). Mainly I need to see my psych. resources. Also, I need to establish a good consistent contact with my friends. Also, it wouldn't hurt to do a little romantic exploration. More and more, although I know I have God at my side, and I know I have good friends, and I know that I have a sense of mission in life, I am becoming more certain that I'd like to have a woman to share my life with. But that is a long quest and should not be seen as a quick fix by any means.
Secondly, I have realized that I have been taking on too much of late. Now I have certain core responsibilities which I can't skimp on or which I could skimp on but I'd really hate to do so. Those are:
Church of course, but despite what some might say, that obligation is not heavy;
School, I want to graduate by the end of the semester and I want to try for some nice grades, although with my current grade point average I can stand a few B's, and it is also a possibility to take one less course and finish things during the summer.
WRSU, I really like the radio station, and it helps me with my future career plans.
My Church group, MCYM NJ chapter (here's the website I made for them), I never really wanted to be president of the group, but I find that there's a lot of good stuff I can do with them as president with not too much effort.
ICF, the Indian Christian Fellowship, I neglected it last semester and they're really good folk who I'd like to establish good friendships with.
My normal social contacts: poker, having occasional contacts, and maybe trying out some romantic leads.
But I got to say some things I need to trim a little, as the stuff above is a pretty full plate. While I want to put some effort into a job search, I can't stress myself out too much about it. I'd like to expand my social portfolio, but I don't have time for as much party planning as I'd like. I have a whole lot of side projects, but I got to remember to keep them on the side. Also, there are a lot of nice stuff to do around Rutgers, but I got to limit the activities I do to what I can handle.
So the question arises: Why keep up with the Rand Show?
Well, the answer is this: The Rand Show is mine. It's my work, it's good work, and it's something where I feel myself keeping up with my creative side and driving myself forward.
Part of the problem with the crappiness I've been feeling lately is that I've been running constantly from one obligation to another. Inevitably I've messed up with some of those, but more importantly, I've lost some control of my life. Given the fact that my life isn't really chasing my dreams right now, losing control and losing the time for the outlets of my creativity made me feel like my life was useless, pathetic, and no longer belonged to me. That's crap really, I mean I chose my obligations and I chose to abide by them, but I think for the health of my soul and mind I need to have some control over things and I need to be creative.
And so I can't stop The Rand Show. Don't you feel fortunate?
Anyways, while I have to dial back my obligations a little, that doesn't mean I'm discarding them. A lot of times when I have said "I need to relax more," I basically stopped doing anything. But I do have obligations that I want to or have to abide by and to stop doing them would just be counter-productive and stupid. Being too scared to do what I need to do is also a loss of control. So what I'm building up to here is...
I need to go. I'm having lunch with my little sis, because one of the obligations that I desperately want to abide by is my obligation to be a good family member. So I need to be off, but remember I SHALL RETURN (like MacArthur I take those words seriously).
Anywho, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!
5 months ago