Thursday, September 20, 2007

Irrelevant are the dogs

One of the perhaps nicest things about this webpost is that it gives me an opportunity to play with the phrases that pop into my head but never find an opportune outlet for in poetry or prose. A lot of these simply end up in post titles, but are never actually referenced in the session itself. They do serve the purpose of giving me a starting boost so that I can get into the session, but they never really live up to their full potential as phrases. Ah, it is sad, what fate phrases lead. At least they remain in my archives, where, if I have time (ah, time, time, such a fickle lover (I've been using ah a lot, and the lover analogy, maybe that's a manifestation of my frustrated love life and my resignation to it, or perhaps it just has to do with my highly pretentious modes of speech)), I can look upon them upon in a later day and use them when a better moment arises.

But on occasion my strange spirit is unsatisfied with this solution and desires, a slightly better fate for my phrases. Sometimes I actually desire to use the phrases in a way that actually utilizes their meanings. However to do this I need to make up definitions. I try to figure out what I was thinking of when I thought of the phrases, I try to employ the classic allusions, and I try to add something a little profound, a little relevant and a little personal.

Which brings me to the session title, and you thought I wouldn't get to it, actually given the preceding paragraphs if you did think I wouldn't get to it you're an idiot. But back to the session title: "Irrelevant are the dogs."

Originally, the phrase that popped into my head was "Irrelevant is the dog." But that sounds too pretentious, it has an aura of talking about an archetypal dog, and that's a little bit too fancy. "Irrelevant are the dogs" works better in my view, and my view's the only one that counts here.

So what does it mean? Originally, it just was a way of me telling myself I'm irrelevant. But why the dog imagery? Well, perhaps it is because, I was feeling irrelevant in relation to women, and I sometimes think of my ideal relationship, or at least I used to, and maybe still do (who knows what lurks in their subconscious?), as a dog and master relationship. I, being the dog, and my girlfriend being the master. I'm going to give you a sec to get all the filthy, filthy images which I know are buzzing through your head right now to settle down. Alright, what I mean by the dog-master imagery is that I would give my girlfriend complete love and loyalty, as well as examplery service including protection (like a good watchdog), while she would give me direction and relieve me of my day-to-day decisions which tend to cause me such anxiety. Most of all, she would take care of me, and I would stay by her side for as long as I lived.

Now that all sounds very nice, but that idea of a relationship is actually highly unhealthily dependent, so I realize that I probably should try to avoid it. And yet, on some very deep level I still find an attraction to the idea, or at least, I guess I feel that, I dunno. I'm sure I really have a lot of issues I need to deal with in regards to women, and I think the dog-master relationship idea is sick in retrospect, but still when approaching women I like, I have a complete, uncritical devotion to them, at least at moments, and it makes me feel like a dog.

But having those feelings aren't enough. No matter how devoted I am to a woman, those feelings don't seem to matter. I feel like a dog and "Irrelevant are the dogs."

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