Thursday, February 1, 2007

The Downward Spiral

I'm not doing well. I'm doing pretty shittily in fact. I'm having trouble making myself do actions like going outside, going to class, brushing my teeth, etc. I'm generally not in a good state of mind right now. Like I always say, I'm not the worse off, but I'm not in a good place. And things seem to be getting worse, or at best staying still. Ultimately though, I have no idea what to do. I have faith, I believe God will see me through all this somehow, but I have no idea how. I'm really tired of this mental disease crap, I really am and I'm just really tired of all this. But whatever. My mind is foggy and unclear, and I forgot to take my medication today, but heck I was really screwed up yesterday and so I don't know how much of a factor that is. I know this breakdown now will slowly build up my problems until I can finally break or I am broken out of it, and then I'll have to deal with all those built-up problems, and then what, I'm not sure. I'm really tired of trying to articulate my feelings, trying to write things, produce things, I dunno, but writing is perhaps the only thing I can do write now that gives me at least some satisfaction in life so I should probably keep that up. I really believe I can't give up on my life because that's just wrong, really it is, when it comes down to it I know that I am at my core a good person, heck, in fact every person has enough good in them that killing them is wrong. I really wish I was more articulate with this, but I really can't be bothered with that right now. Anyhow, I hope this sees all my readers well. Don't worry too much about me, I've gotten through worse scraps, and I've got God on my side who can stand against me, what disease can triumph, if I have God on my side?

Well, that's about that and take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

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