Tuesday, August 21, 2007

And I never said that it would be okay

So I lied when I said I was going to post more, or well not lied, but did not follow through. So if I had established things as a contract you could sue me. But for the record I did not establish things as a contract and if you try to sue me

(takes off shoe and starts banging it on the table)
I WILL BURY YOU!!!! (anyone get the history reference? If you didn't you're a bum. BUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

So I'm not going to say things are going badly, yes I'm still dealing with depressive feelings and those have probably taken an uptick lately, but I'm still getting things done, my life overall is still chugging along. Still anxiety is building and one must always be vigilant towards insanity, but not so vigilant as to make it a self-fullfilling prophecy.

It's always been an issue that balance of work and relaxation for me. I mean I tend to go through intense periods of trying to take on as many projects as I can then I burn out, get depressed and let all those things fall apart. It sucks I got to say. But if I concentrate too much on taking it easy, I put things off and then they fall all over me. Not too good either. Oh well, just got to tinker with things till I get it right.

That's something my psychologist has been saying to me a lot, that I need to experiment with my life. Usually I'm always trying to figure out mentally what I need to do with my life, but probably the best thing is to just throw myself out there and see what sticks. Sure, there's a little bit of danger, but life is dangerous.

There's a nice quote by CS Lewis, it doesn't exactly apply here, but it's good nevertheless:

"The only place the heart is safe outside of heaven is in hell"

It means basically you protect your heart from all danger too much you condemn yourself to misery or at the very least to emptiness, and that's not what I want for my life.

Anyways, that's just what I'm thinking about that. I got to get out there, I got to keep on chugging, even if my brain keeps throwing road blocks in my way I got to keep on keeping on, until one day the time is ready for me to receive my rest.

So anyways, take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

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