Thursday, March 29, 2007

Striving towards infinity

So I've only been able to get one real post off this week, but honestly, I can claim almost (almost being the key word) legitimately to being busy. I've been going to seminars, meeting with teachers, going to class, and doing radio station stuff, working on my internship plans (damn I still need to do some work on that and soon), etc. I'm in a good mood (partially thanks to the weather which has been gorgeous these last couple days, and that really does lift up your mood) and in good moods I tend to have to clean up the crap from my bad moods as well as moving along various projects (right now my webcomic, which is starting to come together). Thankfully, few new problems have complicated my life right now, I'm actually in a good enough mood that I'm worrying a little that I might get manic. Perhaps the only bad part is that I've been having a lot of sleep problems lately, partially because I'm not sure whether my good mood will be there when I wake up.

Part of the annoying part of my mental problems (the sort of stuff which has been called manic-depressive) is that I go up and down without any clear upward or downward trajectory over long periods of time. So while my life is doing well now I'm unsure whether this is an actual upward movement or just a temporary upswing. I am sooo tired though, bad sleep patterns+caffine addiction do not equal strong energy level (I always like to leave up a session for an entire day at least so it has a chance to get seen, and so if I start my posting at a really late time, I probably will only post a new one at a really late time), also I'm still not taking care of myself that well since I'm eating badly and missing teeth brushing. Yet as my psycologist has been reminding me, what I accomplish is more important than how my feels are doing right now. So am I moving forward in my accomplishments? Well, I think I can say yes, on multiple fronts, although perhaps things aren't as good as they could be, but they are good.

So now what? I need to take advantage of this moment of lucidity since I suddenly have the ability to do what I want, and yet I must be careful not to overburden myself else I'm going to fall apart. I also should try to integrate into my life things that make me happy, which means I should try to build relationships among other things. Just as when things are bad, I have to remind myself I must push on. There's the danger when you're happy that you'll ignore all your issues and simply bask in what's making yourself happy, but there is more to life than just simple chemical bliss, if you want real satisfaction in life, yes appreciate happiness, but also use happy times to press forward with your goals in life. That's at least my plan. But I will admit happiness is nice, very nice in fact, and I'll try to keep that going, even if I'm not going to make happiness my obsession.

I think that's about enough for right now, I still have some more stuff to do, and I still need to go to sleep. So take it your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

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