Monday, March 2, 2009

Two steps forward, one step forward, one sideways, and always twirling toward the future

So it is, so it is.

It's tiresome to have grandiose dreams, and less-than grandiose capabilities, but ah that is the nature of the grandiose?

But let me step away from all that, but then again am I bound by that rule in this as well.

Well, I must say I am displeased with the level of nonsense that comes out of me these days. I mean I have nothing against nonsense, and I revel in it when the moment is right. But each person has different moments when it is right, and other moments when it becomes obsessive. And then peeling away the skin of the nonsensical, one finds some very, all too, sensical fears and lusts.

Lately, much of my speech has danced along the line between indulgent nonsense and the sort that celebrates life in its meaningless richness. I suppose that's because I do nonsense well. Yet I cannot carry that banner on all occasions, lest I wear thin the patience of those around me, as well as my own, because to be honest, even I have points where I'm sick of nonsense. Oddly enough those occur sometimes when I'm still spouting nonsense and then I just get sick of hearing myself speak, or think for that matter.

But the alternatives to nonsense are the oblivion of apathy, and making sense, and while I need not cite the negatives of the former, the later carries a burden as well. Because if you make sense, well, your words carry, your actions carry, and when they carry too much the weight of the guilt and the consequences lay on you, and then when they carry too little, the weight of the guilt and consequences seem like they lay on you as well.

But as I said, or at least implied, nonsense can only get you so far. And I am near the sickening point of my own nonsense...

But perhaps that is just my feeling this moment. Perhaps, in truth, I have more of a leeway for nonsense than I give myself credit for, and perhaps, perhaps just maybe I am making more sense than I sense myself. Ah, but that is not for me to judge, and so I will carry on, into the night where the stars are like dust and history is infinite...

So take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And God Bless.

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