Studying the math

Something makes it uncomfortable studying math. It's a subject that I'm pretty good with, enough so that I'm a minor and I have done decently well in most of my math classes. And yet there's an oddness with math. It seems like something out of my range, but then again I have moments when I become obsessed with the beauty of mathematical logic. And then there are other moments when the whole things seem stale, unknowable, and mysterious. The latter moments tend to seize me most in times like this when I'm trying to study and it feels like hitting my head against the wall. The former moments tend to come to me when I'm doing actual problems and start to understand things and speculate about other prospects. And yet it feels like more and more the moments of understanding and beauty have become rarer and rarer and I've got to wonder if I can take another year of high-level math. But I've gone this far in my college career with a math minor and it would be hard to do differently, anyways time and time again my mind has proven itself able to figure things out or at least memorize what I need to know to get by, even if I do get uncomfortable at times. So I've got to do what I got to do and I've got to study and hope that I can get those moments of understanding and maybe even a glimpse of the beauty that is the seamless logic of math.