Saturday, April 25, 2009

A good old fashioned shootout between me and my brain

Won't this be lovely?

I did not picture myself where I am now while I was at high school. Actually, thinking back, my vision for the future in high school was a blur of unrealistic dreams and grand ambitions. As I moved into college this vision slowly imploded in on itself until I was left with the void of a nagging certainty that I would die in the relative near-term.

Well, the latter is gone, least mostly so. The former though...

The height of the former unrealistic dreams of high school was me running my own island. That's not going to happen, well, it might, I'm not ruling it out, but I wouldn't count on it (then again, if I win that bet with a certain emir of Dubai...).

I've been working on a new sense of things, all and all and such.

The result is that I'm sort of working toward a creative life, trying to at least.

But here's the key, here's the key (other than doing this lame stop/start blogging):

I gotta have confidence.

I dunno know how I'm going to get that.

Yet I don't feel despair exactly, I have a general sense of the future I want and I have a general sense of a logical belief in my ability to succeed, but..


But it's going to be hard. I'm going to try to do things that'll be hard for me to do. I'm going to be disappointed with my failures and poorly satisfied with my defeats. But I want a future that I can find satisfaction in, and that's going to be tough, and that's going to hurt.

Still I will conquer, for God is with me, and not even I can be against me if God is with me.

I stand at the base of the mountain, staring at a dizzing climb and I am just sighing before I begin my ascent, hopefully to where good things dwell.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And God Bless.

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