My dreams, they`ve got a kiss me, 'because I don't get sleep

As much as I'd like to pretend otherwise, my sleep has rarely been due to my mad busy-ness (or lack there of as the moment may demand). Thus "Feel Good Inc" has always had a special resonance on that line (Lyrics here).

More usually, my lack of sleep is deeply intertwined with my mental health. Sleep to some degree is an instrument my depression can use to prick my comfort, but there is also a rational aspect of my insomnia. Deep in the night, my work is done, new work is far away in the hours until the day. And moreover, I am in control of my world deep in the night, no one directing me here, there or the yet third direction, and so on beyond. But perhaps, a more cowardly way of looking at it, I am alone deep in the night, hours past my last interaction with someone, hours until my next, and I am free of the inevitable stress and pain of those interactions, and yes I feel the fear that comes from knowing that the stress and pain is coming upon the morning.

And so my instinct is not to sleep. But instinct can go to hell. Screw cowardliness, screw control, screw work and its avoidance, to live, to live and to serve God, I am going to need some sleep. And so screw all that which stands between, and indeed I must now begin my march toward sleep.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And God Bless.

Rumors of my hiatus have been greatly exaggerated by me

Because I said that earlier, and now I take it back - SPIN MOVE!.

Now before you question my sincerity - who are you to question my sincerity!! (Seriously, who are you? People never comment around here. Comment damn you I command it!), I will say this... why the heck would I take a hiatus?

Well, why do people take hiatuses or hiati as the Romans might say (they wound't say that by the way)?

Usually to go on vacation, to do a reassessment of things without the weight of their work hanging over them...

So I might go on hiatus during a trip to India coming up later this month... INDIA!!! WOOOOO!!!... but to be honest, the whole removal of weight of work thing just doesn't gel when you start mixing it up.

Because writing, despite it's occasional stresses and a frustrating lack of focus, energy and inspiration of late, is ultimately expressive of my soul and more than that enriching of my soul. I become stronger through writing, and though it requires effort that is effort well spent...

And yet, there are many other places where effort must be spent in my life. So why reserve a spot for this one?

Because writing is a part of me, a very core and essential part and to discard it would be to leave a piece of my spirit to rot and that dog won't hunt monsignor.

And thus Rand rambles on...endlessly and awesomely... BECAUSE I AM RAND, the GREAT AND GLORIOUS!!!

Anywho, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And God Bless.

Rand's Adventures in Job Land

People often mistake me for someone who is competent in social matters. I am not so, and in general to maintain my relationships to a degree that I find satisfactory, I need to reserve a store of effort and energy out of my other activities devoted to friends and family. However, I have found that despite repeated experience I still seem to make the same mistakes of allowing my friendships fade during moments of stress (which does not help the stress). It is a pattern I need to work on getting rid of.

So to be short, I would like to apologize to most of my friends for withdrawing into myself with little outside contact for this last month or two. I do have a reason for this, that is I had been immensely distracted by the process of losing my last job and getting a new one (which starts Monday). Still, as reasons go, that seems rather lame. I think as a principle I need to start taking more time out of my life to talk and hang out with my friends. I'm not sure how to push myself in that regard beyond a simple wish, but it is a wish that I am going to invest some effort in my immediate future.

In addition to that I have other goals for the future. Of course doing well at my new job, but also embarking on new creative efforts and restarting others, such as my blog: http://therandshow.blogspot.com .

So it seems I have picked out a good deal to keep me busy in the future. Ah, well, I think that suits me well. For some periods I have spent much of my time worrying about the future and concentrating on the necessities, while others I have embarked on many ambitious goals with some succeeding and others failing. And I have found the latter a preferable way to live.

After all, as my father often quoted for me, if you aim for the heavens, at the very least you might reach the gates.