The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari

Babylon 5 fans know what I'm talking about. I always loved that episode, and that title is just pretty awesome, even if is highly specific to Babylon 5. Awesome show, and one of the few American shows that truly earns the title of an epic (although the title epic is pretty contestible, some say only poems can be epics, and some say that epics must fulfill a number of conventions, but I'd say an epic is a matter of scope and focus, and given the intergalactic, many years scope and wide ranging focus I think it qualifies).

Ah, the epic, it has been one of my long dreams to write epic stories. Now I've got a long poem that might qualify with a little alteration but I dunno about that, it's kind of more personal in focus than epic. It's humorous too but I'm not sure if that necessarily disqualifies it from epicness. It's still awesome of course. Now probably my focus for an epic would be probably a book or book series or movie or movie series or tv series. Now containing a full epic in a book is kind of difficult. Epics are rambling creatures, containing wide-ranging perspectives and giant events over long periods of time. Space operas often approximate epics, but usually their focus is too narrow or sometimes just plain unfocused, and they lack the heroic sense of an epic. There are exceptions though. And of course there are fantasy epics, but usually though fantasy epics and even sci-fi epics go over several books and movies. TV I think has pretty awesome potential really to create epics, the long period of a tv shows with short pieces and the possibility of mini-arches and side stories I think has a lot of potential that's unexplored really.

So that's one of the reasons I'd like to do some tv writing. And for all you tv producers out there, you can probably give me some money and such, it would be pretty awesome you know and pretty awesome for everyone because you know I'm awesome and such.

I AM RAND!!!!

Etc.,etc.,etc.

So that's all for now, anyways, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

It's been a long November

It has been a long month. And I've established that over my sessions throughout the month. As to the why of the why it has been a long month, I could probably put out a good session on that, but I'd rather mix things up a little with a little mixing and a little upping and a little mixity upity up.

So I like gum. It's good stuff really. It preserves the experience of eating for a long time, and that's really nice.

I also like eating, it's also good stuff. I like to think it's a somewhat artistic experience. I mean the crafting of good food is artistic, but appreciating the food I think is also artistic. When you appreciate art you are forced to take an artistic outlook and such. So it's all good stuff.

So with that in mind, let's throw on some awesome artistic appreciation stuff like a couple of shows I'm watching now:

1. How I Met Your Mother

Really nice show, it's a sitcom but it goes beyond the sitcom conventions. The central conceit that it is a guy telling his kids how he met their mother gives the show a little bit of direction although sometimes it leads the show to go rather semi-lame lesson-oriented.

2. House

Nice, nice show really, most of the time. House is a jackass, but he's a miserable jackass. That's the thing about jackasses, if they're always right, the show's an endorsement of jackasstery, but if the jackass gets proven wrong every now and then then it's okay. And House manages to balance that. Plus you got some nice character interplay, and so nice joke cracking. And as a medical procedural show, well, I've heard they get some of the med stuff wrong every now and then, but the show keeps things suspenseful and they play around with the formula every now and then. But in the end it is a formula show though. And after a while, it gets kind of hard to stick with that. House is one of those shows that's great to watch every now and then and often awesome to watch when it's rising up or falling during a storyline arch, but once it hits the long stretch of the season, when the formula really shines out, the episodes become a little interchangable, and not something you want to over-do. So that's about that.

I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool

After two days I've still got Foo Fighter's the Best of You stuck in my head. But that's a damn nice line "I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool." I guess I am your guys fool. I've been looking at a lot of other webposts and a whole lot of them had their authors give up after a while (which kind of hurts my efforts to accumulate the best of the web's webposts, since I'd rather not include ones not regularly updated unless they are especially good.) so the fact that I've kept up almost daily sessions for nearly a year (when I hit the year mark I'll probably be in India, so I'm not sure how much of a celebration I'm going to be able to do for it) means either I've got a minor accomplishment or I'm your fool.

I wonder how large an accomplishment this is. I've definitely had at the best mixed success in attracting readers (because most readers are bums, and while you guys are, as I've said often, bums, you are apparently less bummy than the rest of the web, so my hat's off to you guys (if I've had a hat)), in terms of quality I think I've done well. Overall my average quality is good, although I've had some crappy sessions I'll admit, and I've had a couple really great sessions (sometime soon, once I'm done copying over all my old sessions from MySpace I'm planning to create a list of best sessions). But perhaps most importantly my consistency has been pretty good, not excellent maybe, I've missed sessions every now and then and sometimes for as much as a week, but I've kept at it, and that's more than can be said for a lot of my other projects, and maybe, that's something I can be proud of, maybe.

I often wonder what good I've done in this world. I try hard to remind myself of a rule I made that I'm not going to judge myself by my accomplishments but by my effort to do good, but if the impact of my 21 years... if the overall sum of it is a little good or maybe even a decent amount of bad... It's hard sometimes when I think that way. But lately it's been hard for me not to think that way. My brother complimented me on my ability to deal with my mental illness to make it through these years. I've always wondered how well though I've made of things, maybe I have kept my grades up, but that is as much do to the mercy of my professors as it is to my effort, but perhaps that's okay. Maybe we all need a little help now and then.

But I'm not sure my survival, or even my personal success at school is enough for me. I'm reminded of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Anyone who's seen that show is now asking, dude, does he actually understand it? Well, no not all of it, but parts of it. I understand to some degree the feelings of the main character, Shinji who struggles to find the desire to fight, to live, or to exist as an individual being. His low sense of worth negates the idea that he has an inherent right to exist, but I like to think he finds something in the beauty of the emotion of love that carries him through and gives him the worth he needs (this is the interpretation including the movie End of Evangelion). Is that enough for me? But have I valued and cherished love as I should, or have I just dwelled in fear? If I care about love so much why haven't I had a bigger positive impact on the world?

These questions whirl around in my head endlessly. And I worry that I've had a negative impact on someone I love (adding to previous fears of this), so I wonder is my slight positive impact overwhelmed by this? And if it is, then for the sake of my love of others, is it better for me to leave... But this ignores many factors and ideas. First of all, I think I underrate my positive impact on the world. My writings might not be widely read yet, and heck, they might not even be that good (although I still think they really are, after all, how can Rand the mighty and glorious write badly?), but I've tried to be a good friend to my friends, and I think I've done pretty well on that front for the most part. For most of my friends I think I've left a positive mark. I think for most of my family too I've left a good mark. Second, I think I ignore my positive potential, if my writings are good, if they get out there they should do some good, I have the potential to do good for my friends and family and strangers really. Thirdly, I have to consider the impact of my leaving this world, but even if that's a reason to stay that's not a reason to really live this life.

Perhaps, if I want to talk about the good impact of my life actually being happy and well, perhaps I ought to think of God. God loves me, and therefore it makes sense that He would be happy to see me well. And I like to think, even if I haven't made much of an impact, I really do believe in love, and whatever my personal failings that counts for something.

It doesn't stop the questions, just because you have answers. But maybe it allows you to overcome the questions, and still live, and more than that, when you have the answers, it allows you to strive for further answers.

I suppose in the end, I have no choice to keep on pressing on, well, no I have choices, but those choices are simply wrong, and so if I'm honest with myself, I realize I want to press on, and with God's help I'll keep doing that.

Even if the tides of the past keep pulling me backwards, maybe still I can break the current and sail beyond the seas.

Maybe.

Anyways, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

Maybe it has the best of me

After every music session I do, I get a song stuck in my head. From my last music session I got Best of You stuck in my head. And I feel like maybe someone or something has the best of me, but I suppose I just need to rip away and say "I'll never give in...No, I refuse." I'm half inclined to do a semi-exposition of this song or even a full exposition, but for various reasons that would be a bad idea. Time's one, I do have a paper to write, but also the things I'm thinking about when I'm hearing that song right now aren't stuff I can share, at least not with everyone.

I realize it's a bit of a cheat to hint so heavily at some story I'm not going to share, but if it is a cheat, so be it, I can live with that, but I can't live with telling this story on the web, at least not today. There are some stories I tell and some I don't. Stories about me I tell for the most part, although I'm considering being a bit more guarded about these because people I know might (big might) read this and take things in a bad light (actually I already consider that and hide certain things, but I'm considering expanding that rule); stories about news, culture, science even, the world in general, those I tell; stories about things that never happen or only might happen, those I tell; but stories about other people, well, if it's positive I might share it, but I'm not going to share other people's secrets on the web, it's just not right.

If it seems even more obnoxious to explain myself in a way that hints even more at the story I'm not telling, well, that's really too bad for you. Sometimes you have to live with not knowing. It's just that something bad happened, and it's taken a lot out of me, but I'm pressing on, even if I can't really change the bad stuff that's happening, but at least I can live my life and hopefully help prevent other bad stuff.

But it hurts you know, watching bad stuff happening and being helpless. It does hurt, and sometimes it takes the best of you.

But when that happens you just need to scream "I'll never give in, NO I REFUSE!"

Because if you do give in...

And even with the bad stuff in the world, there's still so much good, it's still not a bad world, it's just not as good as you'd like it to be... and so you learn to live with the bad stuff that's happening, and you learn to press on, and you take back the best of you.

Or at least you try damn hard.

That's really all I have to say about that.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

You can't stop the music, even if you wanted to

And still the beat goes on. I've been putting off doing a music session for a while for a while because of a bunch of reasons really, I guess I was frustrated with YouTube and the often shallow selection of AMV's there (I mean come on people do you really have put every single song to Fullmetal Alchemist, and Naruto, come on people why Naruto? (I think I actually understand why Naruto appeals to people, it combines a fairly straight forward fighting anime with simple comedy and drama elements, nothing especially fancy, nothing especially well integrated, and not up to great standards, but I can see how people could like it, especially if this was the first anime they saw (or simply the first they saw after Pokemon and Yugi-Oh))). I was also just generally avoiding doing a real session because, well, things fall apart.

And things aren't well, now, but still we must press on, even if we'd rather stop.

Anyways, even though I touched on this before I thought I'd start things off with:

1. A Perfect Situation by Weezer - From the album Make Believe - I'm not going to go too deeply into it since like I said I touched on this song before in this previous session. But it is damn good song, so chuck filled with emotion that at the end all you can say is Ooooooh, Ooooh, Oh, Ooooh, except it time and melody with the song, alright fine, Ooooh doesn't work well when written out.

Lyrics

Weezer's video - An awesome video, funny, cool and still it reaches into your heart and gives it a little squeeze

A Perfect Situation AMV - anime - Midori Days - Despite the anime being about a guy with a girl on his hand (no, this is not porn), the anime's filled with that wishfillness for romance just like the song, and this AMV really brings out that emotion, sometimes its a bit too literal it its imagery but it connects the video with the song and comes out better for it so well, well done video maker, well done.

2. Sunday, Bloody Sunday by U2 - From the album The Joshua Tree - This is an immensely stirring song. It is about the Bloody Sunday Massacre, you can check a small primer on the matter on Wikipedia. It was part of the greater Northern Ireland conflict, but ulitimately the song boils down to a roar against violence. And this was before Bono became so goody-two-shoes that it just makes you want to smack him upside the head.

Lyrics

U2's video - a standard concert video, which I suppose in its simplicity underlines the seriousness of the emotion, but I prefer a later fan made video made with clips from a movie depicting the events of Bloody Sunday, U2 video stuff, and some photos from the day itself.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday AMV - anime - Neon Genesis Evangelion - A damn good AMV, I must say. It certainly connects in terms of energy and mood with the song and much of that connection is due to the choice of elements by the AMV-maker. Still it strikes me as interesting choice thematically since Neon Genesis Evangelion is all about Senji's struggle to find a reason to fight and Sunday, Bloody Sunday is well about not fighting. But the great anguish of war, that's the connecting element the AMV picks out well.

3.London Calling by the Clash - From the London Calling - The desperate, insanity. The utter energetic pessimism. The nihilisticly joyous anger. Ahhh, that's the stuff. That's the ROCK!!!!

Lyrics

The Clash's Video - Now like the U2 video for Sunday, Bloody Sunday this is largely just the guys playing their music (although not at a concert), but the setting, the lights and shadows, the angles and the cutting all create a better video. Just a little tip for you aspiring video directors. (Note this is actually an altered version with some video edits and remastered sound, if you want this is the original video)

London Calling AMV - anime - Rurouni Kenshin - Now I don't like to repeat myself with animes I have unsure opinions on (I used to watch this a couple times but I didn't really get into it then, maybe I'll watch it some time in the future), but I really wanted to have a London Calling AMV and this one captured the chaos of emotions that swirl around in this song, and it does it with swords!!!

4. Best of You by the Foo Fighters (keep on fighting that Foo guys!) - From the album In Your Honor (it's in my honor, not in you guys', I'm the special one here) - I always felt this song was about the struggle to maintain hope and passion against tragedy. Least that's my ways of it, but this much I know, and I know this for trues, this song is awesome.

Lyrics

The Foo Fighter's video - insane video, but if this song isn't about insanity, it's about something mighty close to it.

Best of You AMV - anime - various - This AMV belongs to the cutting edge of the genre, where people use really nice video editing software to punch up their videos with fades and live action implants and the like (as well as obnoxious opening bits), but none of that would be enough without the meat and cheese of AMV craftsmanship (by the way my little sister has gone vegan which means she has given up both meats and cheeses), scene selection, tonal matches, energy correlation, etc. And this succeeds, it contains a sense of strength, of yearning, of deep struggle, of passionate emotions, and of mental anguish. Maybe not exactly what I got from the song but plenty close enough to the song to enhance it and let it shine.

5.Eye of the Tiger by Survivor - From the Rocky III Soundtrack - Dude, anyone who listens to this song before a performance or competitive event and does not get pumped up has no soul, or doesn't the song (but then they're just lame).

Lyrics

Survivor's video - alright this isn't actually Survivor's video, but it's close enough since the song was designed for Rocky III (besides you can't tell me what to do! You're not my real mom (unless mom is reading this)!)

Eye of the Tiger AMV - anime - Naruto - After griping about Naruto before, why feature a AMV with Naruto? Because I can! Also I'm willing to give that Naruto is a decent fighting anime (although I'm not crazy about all that jitsu stuff, I mean I know it gives a systematic sense to made up martial arts, but after a while it just sounds lame), and it is occasionally able to throw its characters into some nice combat scenes that can be nicely sliced up, smacked together and turbo-charged with the awesomeness of this song to explode into greatness (although I will smack this AMV a little for incorporating a lot of scenes from a Naruto plotline actually featuring a special eye (you can tell this if you read the subtitles that are left in (little tip for AMV makers, unless you plan on incorporating the subtitles, just use a dubbed version))).

So that's it for the music biz. And that's the biz with music and siz. It's nice to really invest some effort into a session like this. Even if these music sessions aren't as intense as the normal sessions (and that's a real if, since I'm always surprised by how long music sessions actually take to put together), it gives a little sense of accomplishment, even if my readership is small enough that I could beat them up with one hand tied behind my back and the other connected to an electric beating machine.

Little side notes: Congrats to old Piro and his wife Sera on their baby Jack!

Also my sympathy to Ryan Sohmer for his recent loss of his cat, baby (the comic on that is here and he has a blog entry on it here).

Odd how that ended up. I've never met these guys, but I've always admired them (to a degree), and they inspired me in part to get onto this interweb, so well, well that's that.

As to my own stuff, well, it's my own, and I have other feelings and shout outs I'd like to give, but I don't care to be coy or irreverent and so I no longer care to continue this session (although I should be back for another one tommorow, why? Because I'm just that awesome).

So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

I begin to sickify, what!

It's been an uneasy last couple of weeks for me. Breakdown, some other stuff, and I got some sickified. What! Reference to the song Stupify by Disturbed, I have mixed feelings about the band. At times it's got some really nice power to its songs, but then again it sometimes dabbles in incredibly lame mommy lyrics. But yeah, so I got sick. It's not that bad, but it keeps me off balance and a little off overall. Hence I'll be glad when it's over.

It's a little hard to think, it's a little hard to plan, it's a little hard in my skull, but that may because of lack of flan (I've never actually had flan)

But isn't that the sand (worm that is!)

Quotes and Boats can only lead to moats

You are a robot sent from the future to win - Marshall, How I met your mother

That is no country for old men- Sailing to Bzyantium- William Butler Yeats

Nothing good happens after 2 AM - Ted, How I met your mother

People don't kill themselves because of a lack of a will to live, but rather because of an abundance of a will to die. - Rand

"But if you smile at my poem,
Ah, that's the sunshine,
And that's enough for me." - Rand

"The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity." - The Second Coming, William Butler Yeats

"Suit Up." - Barney, How I Met Your Mother

"These are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them." - Ted, How I Met Your

Mother

"Keep those eyes open!" - Asimov, Cowboy Bebop

"JET: Back then, when I got home from work, you always waited for me...

That
was all I needed... But that day, when I came home, only that watch
was left and a small note with one word, "farewell"... For some
reason, I didn't feel sad. It just lacked reality... And I gradually
felt something inside me go numb... After 6 months, I made a bet with
myself. If you didn't return by the time this clock stopped. I didn't
come here to blame you... I just wanted to know... why you disappeared
back then.

ALISA: You seem to think that time on Ganymede had stopped. That's a story
from long ago... I've... forgotten it. I don't need time that stands
still. Farewell, Jet..." - Cowboy Bebop

"You're gonna carry that weight," - Outro quote, Cowboy Bebop

"A society that gets rid of all its troublemakers goes downhill." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Never insult anyone by accident." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein

"You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once." - Robert A. Heinlein