I find myself in an odd funk.
The essentials of my life are satisfactory - job, family, friends (though I admit I do not treat my friends as well as I ought). The extremities of my life - romance, projects, creativity - here - here is the problem.
I suppose I could take it as simply a classic case of You can't always get what you want, and in this case it does seem if I try I can find I get what I need.
But what is a human being, if he only seeks what he needs? And should not my reach exceed my grasp?
Which leaves me with two dilemmas boiling in my mind.
How should I feel about this?
I've often wondered to what extent does dissatisfaction serve as a driver. To what extend does it serve to aggravate the infirmities of my mind? To what degree does it cause me to use unnecessarily long words? Also, doom.
Essentially, is discontent needed for change or is it merely an irritant to the soul?
Answer, I dunno, stuff and such. Maybe a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B, or maybe rather if other things were more aligned in my mind, discontent would be unnecessary. All and all, I'm leaning toward no-ish (that is unnecessary-ish).
And then we come to question number two. And this is I think a more common conflict than I give myself credit for, how to translate the ideas and desires of the mind to action?
How can the willing spirit overcome the weak flesh?
To be honest, some people have the issue to a greater degree, some to a lesser, and as for me... I have traditionally not done well in this regard.
So the answer is, err... I really don't know. Stuff and more such. Also, doom. What I can say, at least until I come up with a better answer, is that overcoming the combination of sloth, fear, inertia and anxiety that prevents me from doing what I want, that sort of triumph, becomes easier the more you achieve it. And so I will try to make small wins, and let them build on each other, till the big wins become easier, or at least let the small wins do some good in themselves.
That being said, I really, really, would like a short-cut in this regard.
But in the end, this too belongs to God, and to God's hands I must trust my fate. I must trust in the plans the Lord has for me even if I cannot see them now. For in the end, God knows the best path far better than I.
So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight folks!
And God Bless.