And so my India trip comes to an end. Doom, doom, doom!
As I remarked on Twitter (I really should make fewer purely personal posts on Twitter, they tend to be well, a little lame, or at least irrelevant to those who dwell on Twitter, least by my calculus of interest, but it is hard to resist the temptation, I could elaborate on this quite a bit, but I don't feel like it), my trip to India is coming to an end, and it was less than I may have hoped for, but well more than good enough.
That's life most of the time. It's a fact that's not often appreciated enough, at least I don't (see this is what the personal Twitter posts lack, a meandering introspective rant loosely connected to personal events). I can cite opportunities missed, imperfect aspects of my life, but all and all I have it pretty good, and things could very well be otherwise.
I have good friends, good family, and a good God who loves me, that's a pretty good life.
But even though this makes discontent unnecessary, discontent is not necessarily a bad thing. I can do better, I can do more, and I think I ought to, I think... although I am not sure of this, I think God has more planned for me, that is, I think God has plans to make me a better me which would do good stuff in His name, etc., etc., etc.
Now that I've gone well past sentimental, let me continue. My stated goal for my trip in India was to spend time with my grandmother (my Umachi - people have told me that Umachi should be spelled with an "A" in front, but I prefer the "U" and I'm contrarian that way), visit family, relax, write some, work on a family tree website, other stuff, and ultimately spiritual renewal.
Spiritual renewal... I feel a little closer to God, I suppose I feel I am more energized and determined to do God's work (that sounds more grandiouse than it is, and while I do enjoy dabbling in the grandiouse, I feel anything done keeping the service of God in mind, I have and will elaborate on this elsewhere). But do I feel that full sense of spiritual renewal that I've felt during other trips to India. No, not really. Ultimately this is my fault, I did not take enough opportunity to pray or read the Bible. That is something I need to correct in my life.
Writing... I did a little, not very much though. Again, not as much as in other trips. It's not so much writer's block as... sloth? Maybe, maybe a fear of writing (I'll go into this elsewhere) coupled with an inadequate sense of purpose and drive.
I did get some of my to-do list done. I worked on some websites I wanted to work on, sent some emails that I wanted to send, talked to people more than I have been lately. So overall I built up a little more momentum in my life toward doing the things I want to do. And I did spend a lot of time with my grandmother and with my family, and even though I often did not understand the language of my family members, I tried to treat them with love. In deepening my love of family, in that aspect, I did achieve a degree of spiritual renewal, for I believe God dewells in love (I say that in the poetic sense, the theological dimensions of this, I'll leave to St. Paul). Perhaps it's best I didn't go into overdrive and go deeply into a dozen different projects. Doing so has not served me well in the past, over-commitment has usually been prelude to the fall, perhaps because I commit the sin of pride in imagining I can do everything, often not trusting God to take care of the world, instead trying to grapple with it on my shoulders.
So a good trip, not a perfect one, but a very good trip.
But there was a question hanging over it, one which I must grapple with. When am I going to get married? But that is perhaps better left for a different post.
By the way, Mery Christmas and Happy New Year! (I link here to a rendition of "Auld Lang Syne" (By the way, this video seems to repeat the song, and although it's a terrific performance and the video itself has a bunch of factoids about the song, you may want to cut out after the first 4 min or so) - which is apparently based on a poem by Robert Burns which can be found here - http://www.carols.org.uk/auld_lang_syne_burns.htm).
So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!
And God Bless.
The Badness begins
5 months ago