Otherwise, how can I find where you go when you're lonely?
I'm a bit tired all and all of romantic songs. On the other hand I'm dreadfully romantic at heart. With an emphasis on dreadfully. It's become something of an irritant to me as much as a virtue... if it can be claimed to be so.
At least once upon a time I viewed romantics as an advantage, but overall... I dunno, I have to say were I less romantically inclined my life most likely would be simpler. But better...
Yet romance has always fueled my creativity, even in its absence. And yet can one depend on such an uneven fuel as the ever-changing fluxuations of the human heart?
To dream of something more, a real relationship, that, that would be wonderful but it does seem immensely out of my reach...
As abstract and jumbled as these ruminations might be, they are not idle. For there is a great significance to my long-term goals depending on whether or not I am looking to eventually get married, financial planning, career choice, the type of skills to acquire, and then there is also an immense short-term significance depending on how much I want to enter the dating scene. How much energy should I spend on it? How much should I let it draw me away from the other things in my life?
And then there's always... is it feasible for me to have a relationship? Is it wise, when my emotions are such petulant forces?
In the end, tossing and turning such thoughts, I end up with a great deal of frustration, but little solid answer-wise. Looking inward, looking spiritually, asking God for guidance... I think I am meant to be married someday, and even to have kids someday. And yet I also believe I am supposed to be creative and a person who lives honestly, despite his oddities. Which is to say, yes, I am a romantic, but what that means for now, I do not know... I guess I'll keep my eye out and my heart open, lest I my soul fall into a Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Anywho, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!
And God bless.
4 months ago