Live and let doom

I must say Twitter has treated me very well. Although I still have questions about the format and about the ultimate viability of the business, it has been good to me, regularly bringing in far more readers than my actual blog.

But that fills me with a twinge of regret.

Originally the Twitter feed was a way to build views + get out my scattered thoughts, to build views and allow me to concentrate the most of my energies to big power-posts + crazy-zany posts + just general Rand-ish awesomeness.

Yet the oft-expected Second Renaissance did not arrive. Well, actually by now I'm on my third or forth Renaissance or so (though to be fair, may consider there to be several Renaissances, usually linked with the different streams of Classical knowledge coming in, ie, Irish monks 9th c., Sicilian/Spanish Muslims 11/12th c., Greek refugees + Italian loot 14th c., and so on.).

Perhaps, this goes back to an old lesson, taught to me time and time again, though most grossly during a period of stomach virus where I could not drink a full glass of water without throwing up.

When in a situation of where your opportunities are scarce, do as much as you can, whenever you can.

Big plans of an integrated social media strategy don't really fit into that space, as it refuses to realize the scarcity of time.

And while I RAND THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS! do refuse reality's dictates, I must on occasion play by its rules to subvert it, and time is often a rule I must bend to... so then...

So then as much as I can whenever I can. Thus Twittering, thus posting up sessions that might just be a paragraph or two. Thus trying to find time to write and draw and submit work to publication, even though I can't make a regular schedule of things just yet.

But one fine day...

Well, no, that isn't the proper sentiment. What I'm speaking of is not an acceptance of a life far less than what I want, and just trying to deal with it. If that were the case, wouldn't altering the life to be more like I want fit into the equation? No, this is an understanding that I am not where I want, but I have found a path that I think will get me there, but in the meantime I'm not inclined to play dead, nor to simply roar in frustration at the lack of steady order to my gains and losses. Rather, if I cannot yet conquer the world, I will conquer this and that, a country or two, and perhaps the city of Worms. And I will do good work while I'm at it, and I will put myself in a better position for grander dreams, or so I hope.

But in the end, all of that is still a bit of a means to an end, the happy note is that in the pursuit of that means, or rather in doing so in the correct way, I am in achievement of that end:

That is striving to be a servant of God, as best I can, whenever I can.

After all, that is the course of a holy fool.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And God Bless.

Can't Stop, Addicted to... THE RAND SHOW!!!

By the way (couldn't resist putting a link to the music video for that one") Can't Stop is a pretty awesome song (and here's the music video for Can't Stop). As a general rule: RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now to the meat of the matter. If you've been attentive dear readers you might have noticed that my posting of late has been pretty crappy. Well, that's largely because I've been feeling pretty crappy. Yesterday, in particular was a very bad day. But by the end of the day I was able to revive with a little help from a friend in a high place. (I'm talking about God if you didn't get that (here's the verse from the Bible about Jesus calling us friends, not slaves)). However, the effect of that matter has been a couple fold.

First of all, it has reminded me that I am not well, and that I need to remember to utilize all my resources for help (if anyone, particularly any Christian Scientists in the crowd, find a contradiction between me having God help me deal with my health problems, but also relying on medicine and therapy, well, I'd like to just say, God creates these means for helping His children, if we are good kids, we'll use that help). Mainly I need to see my psych. resources. Also, I need to establish a good consistent contact with my friends. Also, it wouldn't hurt to do a little romantic exploration. More and more, although I know I have God at my side, and I know I have good friends, and I know that I have a sense of mission in life, I am becoming more certain that I'd like to have a woman to share my life with. But that is a long quest and should not be seen as a quick fix by any means.

Secondly, I have realized that I have been taking on too much of late. Now I have certain core responsibilities which I can't skimp on or which I could skimp on but I'd really hate to do so. Those are:

Church of course, but despite what some might say, that obligation is not heavy;

School, I want to graduate by the end of the semester and I want to try for some nice grades, although with my current grade point average I can stand a few B's, and it is also a possibility to take one less course and finish things during the summer.

WRSU, I really like the radio station, and it helps me with my future career plans.

My Church group, MCYM NJ chapter (here's the website I made for them), I never really wanted to be president of the group, but I find that there's a lot of good stuff I can do with them as president with not too much effort.

ICF, the Indian Christian Fellowship, I neglected it last semester and they're really good folk who I'd like to establish good friendships with.

My normal social contacts: poker, having occasional contacts, and maybe trying out some romantic leads.

But I got to say some things I need to trim a little, as the stuff above is a pretty full plate. While I want to put some effort into a job search, I can't stress myself out too much about it. I'd like to expand my social portfolio, but I don't have time for as much party planning as I'd like. I have a whole lot of side projects, but I got to remember to keep them on the side. Also, there are a lot of nice stuff to do around Rutgers, but I got to limit the activities I do to what I can handle.

So the question arises: Why keep up with the Rand Show?

Well, the answer is this: The Rand Show is mine. It's my work, it's good work, and it's something where I feel myself keeping up with my creative side and driving myself forward.

Part of the problem with the crappiness I've been feeling lately is that I've been running constantly from one obligation to another. Inevitably I've messed up with some of those, but more importantly, I've lost some control of my life. Given the fact that my life isn't really chasing my dreams right now, losing control and losing the time for the outlets of my creativity made me feel like my life was useless, pathetic, and no longer belonged to me. That's crap really, I mean I chose my obligations and I chose to abide by them, but I think for the health of my soul and mind I need to have some control over things and I need to be creative.

And so I can't stop The Rand Show. Don't you feel fortunate?

Anyways, while I have to dial back my obligations a little, that doesn't mean I'm discarding them. A lot of times when I have said "I need to relax more," I basically stopped doing anything. But I do have obligations that I want to or have to abide by and to stop doing them would just be counter-productive and stupid. Being too scared to do what I need to do is also a loss of control. So what I'm building up to here is...

I need to go. I'm having lunch with my little sis, because one of the obligations that I desperately want to abide by is my obligation to be a good family member. So I need to be off, but remember I SHALL RETURN (like MacArthur I take those words seriously).

Anywho, take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

Don't Do as Donny Don't Does

Back in the day for each of these random phrases I could easily point you to a youTube clip. But apparently the media companies like making money off their media, because otherwise you know their entire business model is bankrupt.

But I'll get into that upon a latter hour.

Alas, of late I'm feeling like our poor misunderstood Donny Don't.

Despite my noble claims of having discovered the secret of time management, I find myself with my schedulization less than ideal.

Perhaps truly the problem is too many commitments: School, 2+ clubs, unknowing being elected MCYM NJ president, work, etc. Everything keepin' me busy and busy and busy.

But really, truly is the matter that simple?

I dunno.

Perhaps the greater matter is my fear is eating up time when I could be working, or maybe I'm just making a big deal out of everything.

Whichever, got to go.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And I'm hungry like a wolf

Given the hour I probably should have referenced something with a little more of a night theme for the title, but when time pasts midnight I keep thinking hour of the wolf, which gives me the idea hungry like a wolf, and that is an awesome song!!! Oh yeah!!! So I'm tired, unhealthy, depressed with nothing to do and I'm denying my body sleep still. Why? Why you might ask? Why, oh why might you ask? Because I have a number of things to do tommorow and as long as I'm staying in this night I don't have to face them. There are 4 hours until daybreak, and probably another 2 hours before anyone expects you do to do anything, that seems like an eternity right now. An eternity spent in peace without responsibility, except the worry of the next day hangs over every minute and your body continues to turn against you. And I do need to go to sleep, but I'm not sure I'll be able to do what I need to tommorow, and if I don't? Then what? Then what you might ask? Well, plenty of things could happen. My mind could rally and I could repair all damage by the day after tommorow, or my mind could fail and I could kill myself. Faced with such prospects it just seems safer to delay and postpone. I don't have anything greatly enjoyable planned that I can find in the next day anyways so why go forward, except that I must and truth be told, tommorow in all likely-hood will be a good day and more enjoyable than staying up into the wee, wee, wee hours of the night. And so I must go to sleep.

I think of it and time seems on my side right now, it stretches before me infinitely allowing this period of relative calm and peace to last forever, and tommorow time will be pushing me from event to event like a pinball. Still, tommorow is where I must go, and it is where I want to go, and so with great sorrow I must say goodbye to the night and all the wolves, hungry or not, who dwell in this hour.