And so they all exploded

The end... no it isn't for Rand is explosion-proof!

And implosion proof!

And nay, video will never kill this video star! (Go WRAT and WRSU!)

So bring on the pain and bring on the DOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Because A is A, and Rand is Rand, and Rand is awesome.

Etc, etc, so on and such and such.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

And God Bless.

Vacation's all I ever wanted, actually no, but Thanksgiving Break!!! Wooo!!!

Greetings, y'all. Sorry about missing yesterday's session but you're all bums, so I don't feel so bad, especially since I for once was not being a bum and working hard for the monkey, so hard for it honey, I work hard for the monkey so give me some monkeys and give them some honey (wow, I started out with a song parody, went to a Simpsons reference and then went straight to insane nonsense (am I awesome or what?)). Actually I had a ton of school work to do and my mind almost exploded, just almost. But now that's done and it's time for BREAK!!!! THANKSGIVING WOOOOO!!!!

Actually I still have school work to do and some of it I actually need to do over the break. Thanksgiving break's actually something of a tease when you think about it, since it doesn't last that long (least for me, Rutgers only gives 2 days off (because they're bums), and unlike more lazy and yet generous colleges like Princeton University I don't get a fall break) but moreover fall break doesn't really signal the end of a school unit. I mean certainly a lot of tests and projects ram up to the end right before the break (hence the insane amount of work I had to do up to yesterday), but once the break's over BAM!!! got to prepare for the real finals (which for Rutgers is throughout the month of December (Princeton's got a really weird schedule where they have their break first then their finals, they also have extra time for their break, but I actually prefer to have finals first then break because break time would probably lead my brain knowledge to decay and the decay and such and so that would be bad for finals and such).

And yet for all the teasing, it will be nice to have a good nice breakity break weekend. Especially since it's THANKSGIVING WOOOOOO (seeing as I've got mad Catholic power (Catholics rule! Yeah!!) here's a link for Catholics about Thanksgiving)!!!!!

Plus my bro the bro-man Jay (again shout out to his webpost) is coming over so that'll be the cool and all (he might even give me some tips for upping my webpost quality (I mean it's already awesome, but it could be MEGA-SUPER-AWESOME). It'll be pretty dang cool eh?

So this break will be still pretty awesome. Now I do wish it was longer, especially since I tend to use my breaks to get actual personal work done (now to say what this work is, well, I've got projects, writing (I actually want to try to get into a habit of writing a page of fiction/poetry each day, although I'll probably not be posting it up since it'll be raw in form (and possibly content, but probably not, I'm not an exhibitionist)), renewing old friendships, etc., etc., plus tons of other stuff) (I tend to have mixed feelings about the idea of school as work, but I've talked about that before, and I'll talk about that later), but let's do a little supposing and say I didn't do work (it happens sometimes I end up having my depression or anxiety catch up to me on a break and it takes me right out of all the work stuff), then while I certainly would like more than 4 days break, too long of a break could be a problem.

My brother's like this sometimes, he can't stand being not at work for too long. I mean I can be not at work for long periods of time but then I just feel crappy and guilty and even if I can get over my guilt I still feel unsatisfied, because heck, I like my work (and here I'm talking I'm about my real work like writing).

But still, especially since I'm going to be doing personal work, I'm going to love this break, love this Thanksgiving, and love you my good readers (you know I love you!).

So anyways, take it to your head, take it to your heart (take my love people! (I mean that in a writer-reader way, although if any girls want to contact me...)), and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

Karaoke equals awesome

Now I'm just saying. That's how I disarm all objections to all of my idiotic statements, I'm just saying. But Karaoke equals awesome is true and you know it, I know it, and if you're snickering because I said it, it's because you're lamitude is just so massive it's cutting off oxygen to your brain.

So since Karoke equals awesome and awesome band equals awesome, Live Band Karaoke (if you have an awesome band, which was the case with the Human Karaoke Experience) equals mega awesome, and so I had a good night last night.

I hit up Live Band Karoke, hosted by the Rutgers University Planning Association (RUPA!) (always a fan of their work) and I partied like it was some year that's highly associated with partying. It would have been cooler if more people had been there but...

Well, let me say before I just ramble on and on and on and on and on and on and on...

Ok, well why was this so cool:

First of all the band was pretty sweet.

Second the song list was massive. Not completely massive, but pretty massive.

Third the singers were pretty good. I mean some were a little tone deaf, a little off beat, a little sloppy with the lyrics and didn't know exactly when to start and stop (ie, some of the singers were a little bit like me), but there were a lot of impressive voices on display.

Fourthly, you're always discouraged from singing like a jackass, so why not go somewhere where you're actually encouraged to sing like a jackass.

So that was cool. And it was fun. It was good to have fun. It's been a taxing week, and so it's nice to feel alive like that. I only wished I felt the same off stage as I did on stage. On stage, or at least once I got about half-way into the song, I felt like a king, like I could do anything. But I step off, and I bit by bit I slip into my anxiety shell again. Most of the night I was sitting by this pretty girl and she even seemed to like my performances on stage, but did I say anything to her? No. Sure I didn't know what to say, but screw that, if I had tried at least well I could say I tried, but I didn't.

Well, in honor of karaoke and all those times I should have asked a girl out and didn't (including times when everything was so perfect, but...) (Weezer's Perfect Situation):

What's the deal with my brain,
Why I am so utterly insane, (completely)
In a perfect situation I let love down the drain,
Here's the pitch
Sure and straight
All I need to do swing
And I'm a hero
But I'm a zero (sound familiar)

Lonely nights once again, (Oh yeah)
Now this is getting unbelievable
Because I could not have it better (maybe I could but things are getting pretty good)
But I cannot get no love
From the girls all around (They never give no love to the Rand-man)
As they search the night for someone to hold on to
They just past through (They always do)

Singing Oooooh
Oooooh
Singing Ooooh
Oooooh

Get your hands off the girl
Can't you see that she belongs to me (well that never happened to me really)
And I do not appreciate this excess company
But I can't satisfy all her needs (well, that will probably happen to me later)
And so she starts to wander,
Who can blame her? (I sure can't)

Singing Ooooh
Ooooh
Singing Ooooh
Ooooh

Tell me there's a reason out there
Leading me to be prepared
For that day something really special might come
Tell me there's a moment for me
I don't want to be lonely
For the rest of my days on earth (sing it brother!)

(Guitar Solo! (that's one thing about the Human Karaoke Experience, awesome guitar solos))

Ooooh
Ooooh
Ooooh

Ooooh
Ooooh
Ooooh


So that was not exactly Weezer's lyrics, that was my recollection aided by a lyrics site, you can find probably more close to Weezer's lyrics here. Also I feel obliged to tell you that this is from Weezer's recent album, Make Believe. It also has a sweet video, it's not a 1-1 translation of the lyrics but it captures that same emotion of longing. And here's a cool AMV with Midori Days, (an anime and manga that's awesome), that also captures that terrible loneliness despite all the love you see around you (although it's a more literal video that Weezer's).

Anywho, I need to go and well, go home, but for all you cool cats out there, stay awesome. And take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember, Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

Rutgers Rules!

"Rutgers University is inarguably America's cockiest, smartest party school. The only school in history who rejected their Ivy League invitation"
-The Star Ledger
So yeah Rutgers rules, anyways, I'm back from Texas and I have the Robot devil's hands to prove it. Had a great time down there, among the buffulo, or well, maybe not among the buffulo, but among the Malankara youth (basically the type of Catholic I am (well, sort of, since my mother is of the Syro-Malabar rite and I attend Latin rite masses often, I could also be placed into one of those, maybe, possibly, eh, I'll deal with that matter in another session), it has to do with Eastern-rite Catholicism, I'll get into it later). Lot of fun time, a lot better than what I expected from a Christian youth conference. Lots of fun people, some interesting speechs (a couple less interesting ones), a nice basketball tourtament (to prove how fun it was, I'd like to point out that it led to two hospitalizations), some dancing lessons and some nice socializing. To be honest I was a little afraid that the conference would be 1-dimensional and the people there would be 1-dimensional, I suppose this was just me playing into stereotypes, after all I'm a deeply religious person who does deeply religious people and I've got so many dimensions that they're slowly collapsing in on themselves in one of those infinite black hole things. So met some nice people, did some cool stuff, all awesome.

Let me explain Malankara a little before I move on (see I told you I'd get back to it, and I'm sure you thought, oh he's never going to get back to it or he's only going to get back to it months down the line, but here it's coming and you know what that makes you, a bum, yeah that's right, I called you a bum, bet you didn't expect that). See the Catholic world actually consists of several rites, the one that has the most people and which most people know of is the Latin rite, led by the Pope (hence Roman Catholics), but there are other rites. There are a couple very small other Western rites, like the Mozarabic rite practiced historically throughout Spain and Portugal and still in a couple churches in Spain, but most other non-Latin rites are Eastern rites, ie, east of Rome and Latin speaking Europe. These rites came into and out of communion with the rest of the Catholic world through a variety of reasons and ways, a couple actually never fell out of communion. Most Eastern-rite churches, however, find their origin in the split between the Catholic and Orthodox worlds, over several issues including some theological and cultural points, but mostly over the pre-eminance of the Pope over the other leaders of the Christian world, especially over the Patriarch of Constantinople and the Bzyantine Emperor. This created many Orthodox churches, most in communion with each other but some in a seperate group called the Oriental Orthodox. Over time parts of many of those churches came back into the Catholic fold through reunion movements sponsered (occassionally forcefully so) by various religious and political leaders.

This might explain how the Malankara Catholic Church (sometimes called the Syro-Malankara) was formed but that's not the case (probably, the history is a little hazy and confusing). For the Malankara Church, the initial split from Rome reached back further to the contraversies over Jesus Christ's exact, percise nature (I use this in the general sense, not in the theological sense), this prompted what was called the Nestorian Church (the current descendents of this church dispute this name, I'm kind of hazy on the matter myself, but the proper name for them is the Ancient Church of the East for those still outside the Catholic Church, and the Assyrian Church of the East and the Chaldean Catholic Church who rejoined the Catholic Church) (let's call them Assyrian Churches since their patriarches were Assyrian) to split off, this being largely the church in Iraq and east of Iraq including India and what would later be the Malankara Catholic Church.

Little confusing, yeah, I'm a little confused by it too at times. Ok, but the situation was that the Indian churches (yes there were Indian churches, started by Saint Thomas, found in the Kerala region of India) was that they were mostly in communion with the churches in Iraq, accept some might have been in communion with churches in Syria, and some might have still been in communion with the Pope and just isolated (my father who knows the matter better than I would probably scold me for not knowing this better if he read this session, but hopefully I'll revisit this sometime when I know matters more certainly).

That was the situation in the 15th century, then the Portugese came. They found the local Christians practicing their own rite and tried to enforce communion with Rome. Some joined willingly, some joined unwillingly, but an Indian-rite denomination (although influenced by Portugese practice (to what degree I'm not exactly sure, it's generally said that the Portugese were not very respectful of the local Indian Christians, on the other hand, the rite that emerged from this was still very much Indian)) was formed in communion with Rome, this was the Syro-Malabar Catholic Church. Also at the same time the Portugese baptized some new Christians, these became the Latin-rite Cahtolic Church in India. But some of the local, older Christians were defiant about Portuguese domination and impositions and the force the Portugese used, and these stayed part of the Orthodox Churches or part of the Assyrian Churches or on their own, and some were later influenced by Protestantism and their were other splits and such, it's all very, very confusing.

Anyways, what is more clear, is that Bishop Mar Ivanios, then of the Malankara Syriac Orthodox Church, in 1930 led his church and others to reunite with Rome and form the Malankara Catholic Church, of which my father is a member of. I attend the Malankara masses and consider myself a member although I also attend Latin rite masses and like I said my mother is Syro-Malabar. And this church had a North American Youth Conference (Youth being 15-35, with a good number in their 20s) in Houston and that was where I was.

Anyways the important thing is is that the Malankara Catholic Church rocks the house, Catholic rule in general and I had a lot of fun.

So I got ot go to sleep soon, so take it to your head, take it to your heart, and remember Rand rocks. Goodnight Folks!

Doom, the Doomed, and the Doomiest

So this starter isn't a song reference, even though in my last session promised more song reference starters (by starters I mean titles, and by titles I mean titles). But this phrase came to me and so I'll use it. What does it mean? I'm not sure. Those who dance in darkness...

If anyone ever reads the story that line's from that'll be great, but as it is I've submitted nothing to any publication for a while. The last thing I submitted was a packet of poems last January, and that was the first thing I submitted since I got to college. Overall, it's a pretty poor record. What's keeping me back? Lack of will to submit? Of course. But also lack of will to work on my stories. Even when I write I haven't been putting in the editting and refining muscle necessary to get my writing going. My hope? That I can actually consistantly write and edit pieces and then submit them as the semester goes on, anything less (unless I get a girlfriend) and this semester will be declared a failure.

That being said, I did not do any writing now or today even and I'm not planning to as the evening minutes pass away. Why? Well, like many things (but unlike other things) it's complex. I always felt that the mind had many interconnected but distinct parts, sometimes working together, sometimes working against each other. The state of my life is closely tied to the state of my mind which is tied to whether these parts are moving in a good direction. Right now they are moving in different directions, some good, some bad. I did call professors, get things arranged, so yes that is working out alright. My will to finish this application (even if it is not something I want the fact that I am seeing it through is important) is strong enough to overcome my anxieties (although partially this is because other people are looking over my shoulder on this one, which is an aid to my will to get it done but still a source of resentment). However my will to stay healthy and to stay on task on other projects is iffy. Yet my hopes are still going strong, and I still have hope tommorow will be better. Probably once this application is out of the way I can let other projects take a more prominent place. Maybe later I can get things together.

That is a dangerous statement there. Maybe later I can get things together. Yet I did accomplish somethings today and I am still settling in. So maybe later is perhaps justified. But you need to watch out. Sometimes later can kill you. Sometimes later is another word for doom. That's enough for this session.

So take it to your head, take it to your heart and remember Rand rocks.